Our hearts keep breaking for humanity,
and I guess we would never want them
to stop.
It proves that we care,
and feels beautiful, like something
that never goes into words.
If everyone
could be happy at once, there'd be no one
to feel sorry for
but ourselves
and what good is gratitude
if everyone's got it as good
as you?
and maybe you don't, but
you really don't have to tell
5 comments:
When this poem started, I thought I'd be able to do so much more with it. For one thing, I was pretty sure it would be easy to make it rhyme!
Look how easy those end lines would be to find rhymes for.
But in the end, everything I tried to add, details, examples, took away from it. It ends up almost as an apologia for the selfishness of altruism, of wanting to make the world better to respond to the emptiness of living in it. I thought I'd be able to make it a really grand and savage self-condemnation, but I guess I didn't have it in me. Maybe next time.
But thank you for your comment! I think I'm glad I didn't fight with it, try to come out and say everything and make it fit. I liked what I had, and liked less everything I was trying to add. I published the poem partly because I'd given up that adding more could make it better, and partly to protect what was there from my meddlings. Even though it felt like there was an awful lot more that could go in.
But I like how the poem turned out. Your comment helped!
What the crap? The comment was published. Now it's gone!
Did you do that or did I do that, commenter? In case it was not me, I'll leave it anonymous, but in case it was not you, here is the text of the original comment:
"I've read this one several times and have tried to figure out what I think. I have often thought about the sentiment expressed until those last two lines because I just think it's the way the world works that we could never achieve such a moment where everyone was happy at once. Does that mean we give up on trying to make the world better for others? Of course not.
But then those last two lines and how they fit with the third stanza? They change whatever I was thinking because they shift the tone of this poem. I'm not sure if that's what you intended (even if it's not, I'm allowed my own interpretation as the reader), but I think it's brilliant. Well done.
I love a poem where I'm not sure what I think about it."
No, I didn't delete the comment. I'm not sure where it went, but I'm glad you were able to retrieve it and repost it.
I think it's good that you ended up posting this without adding anything more. Yes, there could have been more, but I think that it needs to stand like this, which is perhaps why you struggled with adding to it. Rereading it this morning makes me like it even more.
Yes, I think so too.
I'm glad it wasn't you! Thankfully my notification email contains the text of a comment submitted. I was able to copy and paste from there.
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