before during after

I am before, during, and after you
in every moment I'm going through
I am feeling the years of life without,
before I could hope for any out
from what I had no idea was wrong,
except for the way it felt. And I

am strong in a moment so finally come, once
twice, and now always, I'm living there.
It doesn't seem real, how much realer it seems
than all of the shadows of former dreams,
and everyone who
I have died to have lost.
For once in my life, I have a care
and a love and a trust, where I see the cost
was a trifle to pay to meet you here:

A permanent answer to every fear,
A standing rebuttal to every charge,
A laugh in the face of most every doubt -
and a joyful laugh, not a nasty one.
Delight in a world everlastingly fun,
so certain it is that our troubles
are past, our struggle is through,
and as sure as we are, we have won.

Unfortunately, I also find
I'm alive in a world where I know
how everything ends, and nothing lasts,
I am taught too well, perhaps
by unfaithful friends,
and disaster without any fault or blame.
And in every moment, it calls me ahead to see
what is waiting for us. For me.

I get giggling fits at morbidness,
and you call my name
- smile mischievously,
my mind comes back to reality,

And you ask, would I care to explain?