Burgers.

The quintessential American 
sandwich. Don't let the name 
confuse you, ass! They don't 
do it that way in Hamburg.

Do
you
know
what they
call a quarter pounder
with cheese in Hamburg,

Germany?

They call it a Russiaburger with
cheese, for all I care - probably. 
That's to piss us off, if so it's
deserved, plus they don't want
a thing to do with this delicious,
iconic cuisine abomination

- except to eat it by the ton! That's
one thing! Not to act like  "oh, oh yes,
we are the ones who put the Hamburg in
'hamburger' originally..." FALSE.

Germany
has real things
to be proud of. 

They don't need our slops and leavings.
Don't foist fake credit on a proud
German, buddy. They'll tell you
something in German that'll leave
you reeling psychologically, gasping
and groping for your travel dictionary
and phrasebook.    

Such cold, stony, quintessentially 
heartless German reaction to our 
jumped-up puppy-eager U.S. bullshit 
imposition of condescending foist
serves us right in the face! For our
cultural myopia! Our so-called

"exceptionalism" 

What even the hell does that mean 
in a world where everyone's
exceptional, generally?

WHY 
must we try to foist off our own
entirely, original creations such as
pizza, hamburger, off on other
countries? On full-on bull basis!

Look, the dish we call "pizza" has
about as much to do with the humble,
primitive and minimalist deliciousness
of what's put out round in Naples as
"Chicago-Style" "pizza" does here!

Bupkis!

Nil resemblance to real pizza, as 
it's done!

Take credit and own your own failure,
success - you name it! Name it YOUR
WAY. Screw palming it all off on European
"antecedents," unless that's just YOUR 
WAY. If it is, though - what the hell? 

Trying to rip off stolen cred and impress
the home crowd with faux exotic delicacies?
Serve it up right instead and name it what it is! 

Hamburger! 

We all know who did that. The whole 
WORLD
knows. 

It's US. 

Germany 
- don't kid yourself -
has exactly no use for nor interest in playing
tagalong shadow coattail rider to our bullshit
burrito eating cap-gun department store cowboy
hat clown crap, cuisine-wise. 

They've got their own. 

They very much tend to name it what it IS. 
Not "Oh, it is the dish of the town! How they 
do it there!" BULL. "There" they might
call it a Rundstück or Frikadelle or something. 

What kind of asshole thinks if some hot chef 
in Manhattan invented a novel dish that took 
the world by storm he'd be like "Call it a 
New Yorker!" THAT'S A MAGAZINE, 
FOOL! "Call it a Manhattan!" A COCKTAIL! 

What works for pretentious, unserious periodicals 
or mixed-up booze pours is beneath us to use 
for food, please. Although, bear in mind, around 
the world 
there may be
many exceptions. I think
I heard a "berliner" is "a jelly donut"
- even to the people of Berlin! But if so:

check the difference, please. 

Pastry sweets are frivolous. 

Nothing died to get in there.  

Go ask famous Northern English
Singer Morrissey if that's the same 
thing. He will probably tell you 

- no. Probably he'll just give you 
a look. That look of his, where 
you understand the import without 
anybody spelling it out. It says 

please fuck off 
and learn to die 
without troubling 
your betters.  

That uppity fucking 
scouser* is one of the few 
today capable of pulling off 
hauteur with the inner authority 
it takes to make even we the people 
go, oh, okay - he pulled it off. 

*close enough