I love you and shit

Just because I love you and
shit it doesn't mean I wanted to
but I want to.
It doesn't mean
I'd have made the choice
but the choice is made. It doesn't
mean
I can explain
or understand
my natural response to your bull
shit and consistent
excellence,
or that I would have any different
response if I could, I'm not saying
I wouldn't or would, but
it wouldn't mean that if
I didn't or did. It would
only mean

whatever this hard knot of twisted,
inextricable fact
means, when I try to unravel it

and when I do not.

it means I love you
and fuck if I know
what else,

but it's a fucking whole
hell of a
lot.