comprehensive mispractice

Are you a writer? An inventor? A writer-inventor? An
inventor of writers or a writer of inventors? Our firm
has helped over three hundred novelists receive patents
for their work, so that the technical secrets therein
cannot be stolen by industry, used to produce things
without compensation - of which our stable of idea-smiths
stand to get a hefty cut. We have helped dozens, maybe
thousands of inventors copyright their great ideas, so
there will be no danger of them being adapted
into hit movies or otherwise monetized. Sound

good to you?

You need to call.

No one else can.

We can't make the call for you. However
if one of our outreach-script consultants
reaches you on your cell, you might want to

hear them out. Their spiel

is our trademark. Our specialty?

We protect the contents of your mind
from a voracious and opportunistic world
starving for great ideas - which, of course

are the important thing. Your ideas

right? Sound good?

Then call already

moron

Unless you've invented a way
for our legal department to drop in your lap
and do a lap-dance - and if you have
THEN CALL - sounds good to us! - but
in the absence of that, you're going

to have

to call us.