tips #2: the phone

I put people
at their fucking ease. That's
what I do. If somebody calls me,
I answer "HEY!
Are you at your ease? Well
GET THERE!"
you know? I expect people

to be at their fucking ease. I always am. Fuck them.

They can go stick their ease up their ears
or something. Calling me

all anxious and jittery and thing. Is that how to call me
up? Is that

going to help me put people at their ease? MEET ME
HALF THE WAY,
PEOPLE! I mean they can

if they want but it might cause a SHOCK
how sudden I put them at their
ease. It's up

to them how they want it.

Anyone
who's ever spoken to me
on the phone especially
will attest
to the truth of how well
this method works.

They'll be like, "fuck. Yeah.
It's the best, I didn't even
realize

that's what he was doing
at first, but it works.

I was at my ease."

Damn right. That's well-observed. My trick? First

I put myself
at other people's ease.

They don't fucking know
how to deal with that! It's like

a sneak attack without warning:

easy, if a bit

underhanded. But I say, fuck
they should have been at their ease!

They left it unattended, I just
slipped in there. Meanwhile, where is

my ease? Nobody knows! And you

sit here at your ease with me, dissecting

pleasantries! Nobody cares,
nobody gives a shit about my ease.

Not even me.

Meanwhile, my own ease

mysteriously wanders the forest, seeking

combat. Lost on the way to an ambush,

perhaps. One day, I will meet my ease

on the path, and I'll be like, "Hey!

I love katanas!" And that

will be

The End.

of that