perils of encouragement

"I really enjoyed it," you said

I felt instantly good.
Too good? And I thought

You really should be a bit wary,
the way you're encouraging me.
Too much could be way too easy
a thing to do, for you.

Even though I know you're just saying
what crossed your mind and heart,
like I always do.

So don't stop that.

I enjoy really, too -
enjoy your really enjoyment
of what I don't really try to do.

At least not too much. In fact,
I tend to go off without a thought
on whatever I find in my heart,

like you always do.
Or at least, you do something else
to as good effect.

What if encouragement changes
the tone of it? With me
trying more and more

consciously to please you?
Would you be more pleased?

Would you spot the difference?
Would I notice myself? What
should we do then? And
what would we do next? Let's proceed
as we always have, but don't hesitate
to call me out if you have any doubt.

You see,
I want: to make it my mission in life.
To enjoy
you enjoying me
all the more, and more
consciously, but without ruining

whatever it is that you enjoy,
or why you enjoy it so much. All of which
is a mystery, admittedly. This mission would be

added to and subordinate,

not conflicting with, or replacing the last
most recently grasped and declared "My mission
in life." Which was this:

(and is)

never to break your heart.

Jeez. I wonder how many missions in life
I have? Right now I can only think of the two.
Maybe a mission for me is something new?

At any rate, feel free to propose. Play
Commander-In-Chief, with me
as your General Officer - the one who knows,
ostensibly, how to get shit done,
and carry out goals. As long
as the missions you set
don't conflict with the primary
(and, to a lesser extent, secondary)
mission, I'm sure we can figure a way
to do those. We can even dress up
in fancy clothes.

Or infancy clothes. Or
old-people clothes. Whatever those
clothes might be, by the time
we grow old. Let's not
jump the gun. I'm sure
whatever we both have on will be fine
by then, and that yours
will be cooler than mine.

These are pretty low bars, as missions go.
But important to me, as I hope you know.

I'm making it up as I go along,

but it's nice
to have some things that are
hard-held wrong, to go
with the rights we think are ours,

and everything good we pursue instead.
We have held low bars. But we shouldn't be punished
for making it easy on ourselves.
We should be rewarded for making it nice,
for each other, but nothing

is without its sacrifice. And just

be aware of risk.

I'm sure that it's there,
but it may take us both looking sharp
to detect just what it is.

In the meantime, I am encouraging you
to enjoy and encourage me more,

as I always do you.

This is our best chance, I think,
to spot what the risks could
possibly be,

and to greatly dare the risk of them,
as lately you've been encouraging me
more and more

to do. And I think I can.

But I haven't quite thought it through.
Which should probably be no surprise

to us, but I trust in my good intent
and will, if necessary, pave a road

or two.