Dear hot eighteen year old,
Now that you are legal: beware!
There are people
who may be even now, eyeing you
as a sex option. Only yesterday of course
no one would admit to that - and it would
have been truly disgusting. Of course.
Only yesterday, even -
this poem would have been disgusting!
Entirely immoral! Reprehensible,
to speak of such things to virgin ears!
Such a poem would be borderline
criminal, or even criminal depending
on how far its metaphors
were allowed to go - but suddenly!
Beware! All those protections are stripped
away! Those protections are lifted, and
you are laid open
to the prurient advance
of leering rhymes. Take caution,
grow in wisdom before throwing your panting thighs
open to such poems! Retreat, demur - flee
to your safe chamber, where you sit
pondering your ponderous virginity, which -
don't kid yourself, perv, this kid
has been doing it since middle school, okay?
Ah, you slut. My cautionary advances
are wasted on you! WHAT
is the problem with kids these days
kids these days,
kids these days