guilt privilege

I need a slap
in the face
from a strong black woman
willing to accommodate me
as a kind of sacrificial villain
on behalf of my fucked
up race, so I can
hold my head up high
and display my face
like the man 
taking ownership 
of everyone's wrongs.

I would run out the door
straight into the street so fast
before the big red hand print
could fade

and I'd say
LOOK LOOK
I GOT WHAT
I DESERVED
SO SHOULD
YOU MOTHER

FUCKER

and uh oh.
probably some cops
come questioning 
everybody, and book
her for doing it

I don't wanna say
she gets shot

this is already too grisly
a turn. I will fight 
fight 
fight 
to free her though, 
after what she did to 
or for me.

Maybe then
we could call it even