"left, right, center"

My DICK
's all flopping around!
These underdrawers
have reached
an age of contempt
for the trust they hold,
within the shorts. I grandly
pull and twist, thrust hips, hitch
my stride and roll, as the bird
pops out like a whack-a-mole
by the eighteenth hole
of a putt-putt course
- and it's not its fault!
It's the drawers, at play. Sporting
and slipping all out of control
and sorts - But you'd best calm down,
my friend, settle in - or the beating
you catch today will be yours,
and brutal,
and hardly brief. You'll be held
every inch responsible. Dignity
and shame are at stake - good grief!
They've been burned for less, you know!
Oh! that these too, too stretchèd
elastic gaps would firm,
resolve, to catch and hold
this blind rampaging fugitive
- arrest his course, drag his bold
unruly will to live
back to the fold! Divert
his rude progress, redeem
disgrace, come to rest
nice and slow and remain
at ease, before we
have to sell tickets
for this kind of show!
Be amazed! Be shocked!
- when he rouses and riles
like Hercules!!!
Be appalled! As he bulls
his way right straight out of the place
like some mythical barn in Greece! Which hey,
maybe fine by them, but ever since Eve
and Adam pulled the Golden Fleece in their eyes
- to fool the wolves - the culture evolved
has been more than a bit and a touch refined.
By this quite civilized late date, shall we ape
the toga commando antiquity days, with prodigal schlongs
gone wild for women and boys?

It's my heritage, yes - I'm a Western Man,
and Science's child, I use words like "equipoise"
- but I hate having labors galore
to atone for these stunts
he's so impudently o'erjoyed
to pull with impunity, fearless
of consequence to me, of who's going to look
ridiculous, of the punishments
he stands proud to face,
never making a fuss - and receive
the full brunt! You can't tame this one!

Refusing to bend or to take a knee
(of that, I approve) - neither brooking
nor suffering fools like me, staunchly refusing
to shrink, or to shirk
or to know his place - until finally beaten,
collapsing -

He's won.

Bursts emotionally out
with unseemly relief, and
weeps a pathetic deluge.

What heart could refuse to break?
Here's a tissue, son.

Buck up, little dude.
But: know your place. You knew
you'd be thrashed, asserting your rights.
Snug in, all's forgiven now - please
sleep tight, and tomorrow: act right.

Today's
controversial drawers
will have been replaced.