So. Here's a damn question for me
I'll warrant. Why, on social media
for instance, am I always (oh, come
on "always"? How often! Irregularly
at best) breathing a sigh of relief
to find someone
I had random crush-catch pang
or fuzz of hot fondness for, once
- just a pure good thing, you know?
A wonder and gratitude as one
tends to have for all truth, good
or beauty seen in evidence, in this
far too often gorgeous, absolutely
factually veracious and right-on
world! Someone anyone, to come
across again distantly after long since
having drifted apart on separate lifelong
courses, for that matter never even slightly
in any sense "together," or "having"
(I mean not this particular one)
- and she has "kept her figure"?
No, arguably I do not think it
in those pig-dog terms, but
I analyzed the reaction just now.
Pretty sure that's about the size
and shape of it. Naturally I took
a step back and said "Yo to self.
How natural and cool a reaction
is this, and/or some affront of
some kind?"
See, I'm supremely vigilant of the fact
that if everybody was a mind-reader,
humanity's population would be halved
every week for as long as it took
for the available supply of aluminum
foil to be distributed as hats. Which,
unrealistic hypothetical, but thoughts
lead acts by the dick sometimes (or
the equivalent), and words can wound.
I don't say "I keep mine pretty clean,"
that's nonsense. Dirt isn't clean. Nudity
is not held clean, though if people understood
how many microbes and mites infested their
entire suit of clothes right now, down to
the unders, some of them would overreact
into immediate nudity wherever they were,
and demand the world find some way
to scrub them clean
which it never can, and would stall
and stall over. Point is. So I had
that reaction, as noted, and abnormal
to me I had a thought about it. Also
as noted. Reaction to a reaction - not
my home mode, I'm a simple guy,
but there was this to deal with now.
I don't shirk that. People count
in my view, and I mean all of each,
not just a big ogle in the goodies
and walk on, "mission accomplished!"
Such things need to be checked and
why they need to be checked could
use some checking!
Okay. So I began in on me by
second nature, red in tooth and claw:
"Where's the pure glory
of innocent everybody's own
good humanity angle in that one,
buster? FESS UP. You just want
the once-fuckable (except in practice
with rather a practiced lack of attempt
or intent, only theoretically so) to keep
their honor and virtue
of hotness,
whilst 'in mind'!
- you maintain a devil of a
self-advocacy job! Playing
the dispassionate social aesthete,
going 'Well of course, it's nothing
to me either way but I expect
that's a good thing for her
life, in her own view even,
especially in view of this
hegemony of pig dog eye values
always propagating an as-if sex
objective fixed scale and rank
system hinged on
- hotness, if posed as a virtue ideal,
or
- fuckability in consequentialist
or utilitarianist terms, despite
let's be honest, none of those
lauded as fuckable tend to be,
at least by those singing the lauds.'
A natty abstract case of dodge
ball there buddy but it doesn't fly
when YOU are one of the ones
rating so rank, clearly! It's YOUR
pig dog eye wallowing in the
'kept figure' of some - one - known
to-you to-be way more than just
a passel of well-placed sinew
slapped on a skeleton and organized
i.e. fit with organs, such as a skin
to keep it all in and rounded out nicely
with fat - but as nutritionist prigs say
'the good fat. Not the bad fat.'
That's crap and you know it! She's
got a HEART, TOO wait. OK. Technically
you covered that under 'organs.' Is that sufficient
to your so-called and posed heart of molten gold
beating out an unbeaten tom tom to the tune of
a dude catting around kitting out chicks in
mentally applied birthday suits immediately
transposed to one's own bird in the hand
upon the next convenience? Yeah yeah!
You make me sick, atomizing humans being
to parts! You've clearly got her all covered,
her human heart - all the glory and weight
in the world, by your evident hypocrite
scales! You just shuffle it in with the organs,
as if it has no folk anatomical value or
magic at all to you! What happened
to YOUR heart when you were beaten
as a child by your own hand I shouldn't
suspect! Knowing as I do better. You got
her plumped with organs and wrapped up
in soft skin surrounding, heart deep within
pumping blood in more places than she knows,
or cares to be aware of, I'd bet."
THIS is where one has to just
step back from the duel of sides
inside, declare it "overthinking it,"
further declare oneself on the sides
of all the real human beings in the case
and against all unnatural warping
distortion to be posed and imposed
on any of them.
It's worth doing. Overthinking
sharpens the head whether done
right or not, sometimes. It rarely
-to-never solves the damn quandary,
but sometimes it does establish
there wasn't a quandary. Or as in
this case, there's
arguably some stuff
it's good to spot. Gawk at.
Accept, deny, or if
the getting is good as per
two norms and nature sets: catch,
give up and down receive likewise,
lay it where it lies right and
once found, identified for what's
what and good, perhaps? Keep in mind!
Heaped in with all the other stuff in the
keep pile. Congratulating yourself on how
the keep heap has just overtopped the
discard heap, equally present and
oppressive.
Then, you know, just grab your ass
with both hands to prove you can
tell the truth literally, and keep
eyes wise and wildly abreast
of further developments.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO,
nobody does
Pretty frustrating stuff for some,
and ultimately: who wants it?
Who needs it.
This one?
I score as a draw, because
I'm not sure what or whether
any problem is, but I'm glad
I checked myself headlong
rather than proceed obliviously
unawares into who knows
what glorious annihilating
pair of eyes, wrong word,
right on time.
I mean, to be honest such
moments of truth are also
to be prized.
But I feel less stupid
with the obvious
when I can figure it out
more wise than otherwise.
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