assistant vs. assailant

The difference, you ask? An assailant
is basically an assistant who assists you
in getting assailed, i.e. attacked. Unlike

a traditional assistant, who takes direction
from you and performs whatever tasks
assigned, an assailant is typically self-supervising
and assails you whether or not you required any
assistance in that area. Or indeed, assistants.

Now here’s where it gets murky. An assistant,
you pretty much have to hire. Now and then
because of your stature (whatever that is) you
might acquire a volunteer or intern or whatever
to help you, but most often you have to strike
a bargain: the old time-and-effort for pay gag.

Deal struck, they begin the assistance you craved.
Periodically, you pay them. And that’s where it gets
murky - sometimes, you may pay your assailant, too.

HUH?

Well, it’s basically so they discontinue the job
they’re doing. And yet, this is no sure go-by.
Some assailants (operating along the volunteer /
intern / docent model) do it for no pay!

How was the assailant engaged, though?
That’s interesting. If we can figure out how
assailants are engaged, maybe we can figure out
how to avoid engaging this or that one. Maybe you
provoked them? I’m not saying that makes
their nonconsensual assistance
in the matter of your bodily harm

(or anyway, roughing-up) excusable - in fact,
try the police! See what they think. Technically
assailant is a black market position. The cops
frown on such jobs. You may be able to run them
afoul of the law! I have no idea what you said to them,
but insofar as it was probably not, “Hey, need a little
help, here. Could you assail me?” - chances are
whatever you said, they may have overreacted
or misconstrued what you wanted.

And maybe you didn’t even say anything!

That’s the messed-up trick with some of these
self-supervising types. They act on their own initiative
- which can be a good thing! Ever had an assistant
who never did anything except and unless you tipped
them off? But when one of them takes it into their head
to assail you, that’s trouble if you don’t take a firm hand
and keep a cool head.

Sometimes even if you do.

In a worst-case scenario, sometimes we can only do our best.

That’s the main difference, though. An assistant can help you
with a lot of things. An assailant, typically just the one. Injury.
And that’s hazardous. Injury unchecked has been known to prove

fatal.

It’s your job, ultimately, to be able to tell the assistants
from the assailants - and to not ride the one so hard
as to turn it into the other. Which does happen. 

It can happen either way.