the rapids

I keep telling myself
in the back of my mind
that I'm not going to bother you with this stuff

it's not that you don't care, or
that you're not indignant
to not be a part of my struggle enough

- you are! yes you are
you're a big enough
part

You're my rock. and
I need you to settle down -
or else, I'll have no mark to swim for, love
I'll be swept under, pulled
down the rapids,
and drown

It's just that you can't help me through,
not through this.
Not by diving in reckless!
- just give me your trust

just your trust, not your help -
all I ask
just hold fast.
Your help can't help me now
to get safe through this crush,
get myself through this stretch -

I can't drag you along,
and the weight of your fears,
and your tough, sharp advice

I know you want to help

what I need is this chance
to shoot through, to get clear,
safe to you,
back to life

and I know what I need
to do now, to do that.
You say all that you want
is to do all can,
- and you do.

but you push
and insist to do more than you can.
Can that help?
Does it somehow help you?

It can't

help me.

I just

listened to you -
or your voice, your
voicemail.

Yes, I'm uncomfortable. Yes, I am probably
still working out in my head what is best.
To be honest, I'll probably be working it out
in my head on an ongoing basis I guess.
That's just the place where
I work all these things things out

whenever you don't swoop in to announce
- like a startling angel -
that henceforth I must
work it out in my mouth,

work it all out right now.

Please, if you think you can save me

if you want to save me -

I need you to save me

- save me

by standing back!

Stand fast, hold safe -
right exactly where you are. I need
someplace to aim.

I am in the rapids,
in shock

I am slipping over the edge
of the waterfall,
now

and I have maybe one chance
to take a very deep breath,
shut my mouth,

and aim for the rock