sweet talk backfire

"If you were any cuter, 
you'd be..." 

...expectant look, grin 
she gave, knowing my 
way with a winsome 
wile...

"...the cutest." 

Shock. "What? I'm not 
the cutest?" 

"I mean!" Look. "If 
you were a little cuter 
I think you could be." 

Fury pout: "Should I 
work on it?"

"Look, you're the cutest
person I ever saw or knew 
- not right now, obviously 
- above a certain age," I added 
hastily. To clarify! Not wanting 
to bring babies into this.

"So I'm an honorable mention 
in the old people category then?"

She was beginning to enjoy this. 
Me, at a steep disadvantage. "How 
young and cute do you prefer?"

This was unfair. She was bringing 
pedophilia into it on the sly! "Not 
at all!" I boomed in low, ringing 
tones of dulcet bass cello. "I'm just
saying, 

you know,
some babies are so damn 
cute it's obnoxious. You sweep
the adult category with ease
of all I've known and met!" 

"Why am I not the cutest, then?" 

"Well, one, I'm responsibly leaving 
a slot open in case there's anyone 
out there even you'd call cuter 
than you. What if you agreed
with me you're the cutest? Then
some rando supercute person
shows up - you're eating crow 
pie from my humble bakery!
I don't want to trip us both up
on a snap ranking." 

Her eyes softened, seeing the 
sense of this as she kept giggle 
spasming behind a deadpan 
façade. "And two...?" 

"Well...I gotta take points off 
for your ridiculous quibbling. 
Perverse false interpretations 
of my blameless intent here! Call 
that kind of behavior the cutest?"

Her voice dropped an octave, her 
eyes became shy. "Yes I do, and"

I hid my expectant look inexpertly

"...So do you, too. You thrive on 
bullshit accusation, moron." 

Oh. 

I had to admit she had me