Letter Home (Unsent)

About the only thing I get pissy
about in life is being doubted
as to my sincerity: this

is unreasonable, as people grow
they accumulate doubts by hard
experience, and a flash of insight
and the sudden lurch of reeling indecision ought to warrant

suspense of judgment

towards any doubter. Even if I feel
this or that one SHOULD know
me
better, the conflict itself indicates:

well,
no, we
don't.

My past difficulties with you
and most recent with him grieve me only
because I was never able to connect with
him, and you yourself have bloomed into

a positive marvel of discretion. I am glad you're alive

As to me, well hell if I survive I'll be doing alright.

________

Most everyone I love most from
in real life seems to be thriving
just now. It's a blessing so far. You

don't know this about me,
maybe, but I've had a lifelong
antipathy, occasionally to the point
of pathological phobia, towards addiction
itself. That's due to childhood and childish
personal issues. I've been to the meetings, but
always in support of this or that gf or semi-bestie
(NOT ALWAYS FEMALE, either). Alanon seems
to work for a lot of people. My favorite meetings

have always been AA and NA,
the latter of which really seems
to cover everything. I've SEEN
the 12 steps work, and who they

've worked
for.

I just try not to talk in there. I'm
an arm, a shoulder when I'm at my
best. Don't worry about day vs. night
for me too much. My sleep cycle seems
to be keyed by the other sleepers in the
house, and that presently includes two
very
fast
cats.
I just
got up
for a breath of fresh air.
I can't believe how early
I went to bed last night but

I slept like a stone, so. Good
morning, wherever you may be!