last words, time

"angels flitting through the clouds
eyes above, and so below
we hide our faces, blush and pout
nothing that we said was meant
to sound like what came out our mouths
and though we each wish fervently
the other could come off as well
as they could in our wildest dreams
(and theirs as well), as waters swell
we know the chance we both so want
has punctured, and is sinking fast
if either of us has the sense
to shut up -

let this moment pass!

it isn't what we both intended
now, it can't be guided back
- oh, now -
here comes the ground, and

after we crash -

how do we just fade to black?"

"a perfect world"

we've been lying long enough
so tell the truth to yourself for once:
admit that you've got nothing in your heart for me,
for real

it's not easy to tell you off
I love you more than I've ever loved
and I still can't quite figure out why we can't seal the deal

in a perfect world,
I am perfect for you
you are perfect for me

in a perfect world,
we are perfectly sure:
this is meant to be

a perfect world

but the world we're in
has built a wall between
and we can dream about it
but we'll never wake up in

a perfect world

we both share a recurring dream
where we're together eternally
it always seemed our lives would just keep building
to that point

but that's exactly the point of it
we've built a building where we can't fit,
and I'm so sick of building it
let's just burn the whole damn joint

in a perfect world,
I am perfect for you
you are perfect for me

in a perfect world,
we are perfectly sure:
this is meant to be

a perfect world

but the world we're in
has built a wall between
and we can dream about it
but we'll never wake up in

a perfect world

you and I are a perfect fit.
and I just want to give in to it.
I want to just rededicate my life

to this denial

but somehow that's how it never works
our best intentions create the worst
and if our hearts
are ruined now,
at least we lived a while in a perfect world

I am perfect for you.
You are perfect for me.

In a perfect world: we know perfectly well,
this is meant to be a perfect world.

But the world we're in has built a wall between,
and we can dream about it,

but we'll never wake up in
a perfect world.

snooze

it's time for me
to leap to my feet with a mad, joyous shout
and go back to sleep

failure to dial

There is no possible point at which
I wish you wouldn't calll me
except: I am drunk

so right now,
the only time I would tell you this:
I wish you wouldn't call me.

but every other time
I am
so rarely drunk,
I wish you would

for I could tell you every thing
in such good cause,
and only good

primacy

a cry for help,
before I die
is all I'd ever ask someone
the ones who love me would rush in
to devastate, defend
me from

the enemy,
without, within
it doesn't make a difference
well all I'd ever ask of him
some mercy,
please

I was here first.

Anyone who could,

help

off the map

A paper town for a paper girl,
a notebook street to press between
the pages lined and ruled so straight,
it's all so blank
- it's all so clean

her eyes flick flame

"creating a vacuum"

Sex, with her, was always a complete
preoccupation. I had to make room
in my mind for the blood loss
once she started in.
I made that room, and I filled it
with what nature abhors. The damage,
I fear, will eventually become irreparable.
If I keep going
if I keep going
if I keep going

it will

birth defect

My feelings are no deeper
than the tip of my tongue,
and the top of my head
is plugged straight into my heart
because that is where most
all
of my thoughts come from.

It's a birth defect
I'm just lucky I guess

I will bore myself to sleep
with everything that went wrong
and wake up knowing what to do -
and it's okay if you won't
I am a surface of infinite shallowness

it's a birth defect
I'm just lucky I guess

I can tell you any answer
without having to think
because I'll never stop to wonder
what you meant when you asked
I will take my best guess
and that's the answer you get,

it's a birth defect
I'm just lucky I guess

and you can try another take
and I will take it from the top
as many takes as it takes
to get it right, I won't stop
I'm on my personal best
I don't deserve or try
or have to impress
anybody ought to see
that I just do what comes next
I can't take credit
for a blessed bit
of any of it.

I am a surface
of infinite shallowness,

and I was born so inclined
that I have rolled ever since.
My heart lives on the tip of my tongue,
it's a cinch -
I will have to sneeze for years
to make up for how much

I am blessed.

it's a birth defect
I'm just lucky, I guess

strike anywhere

these conversations never start
from my end. I lay flat, relaxed
I never want to chafe, intrude
I do love to combust, react -
but I am cool

with silence, too.

If your cool fingers hold the match
and if you bring it down, across
this dull and flinty strip will catch
with sparks like skies of stars, coax
your sulphur tip to blaze. Your small
investment - pressure, friction, paid
in conversation, smoke and flame
by such dark arts

are fires made.

bed and breakfast

And as if this

was all we need,
here we are, and we can't sleep.
But when we wake they'll bring a tray -
is it enough

for you?

ok

if I have any enemies

if I have any enemies
(and I do; I have one)
I just wanted to say
for the record, for all
to see:
I am pathetic.
And I never pretended not to be
my house is a mess
my house is not in order
my life is a mess
my relationships
are horrible; the worst state
that they could possibly be
in. And I hope
you're happy.

gifted

you can't steal what's freely given

- unless love is just a bargain?
and then suddenly, conditions
can be voided, overridden -
leaving someone feeling swindled
- getting not what had been
bargained for.

A deal like that's for saps.

That loan
will never be secure.

to make sure I'm safe

cop behind me
around every curve

to make sure that I'm safe

both hands on the wheel,
I am writing a note to myself:

"don't swerve"

amazingly little

it's amazing how little the world
seems to care, once the world has shrunk
down to one person (or two,

if you're counting yourself -
which you never could! It's amazing
how little it adds,
when you do)
.

trust cuts

the words that you say
turn into truth
so much faster than they have any right to

later on, I'll be shocked but
for this moment, it feels
like I have known this

for so long that it has always been real

"trick"

I say what I mean.
Shamelessly.
In the strongest

possible
terms

that are true.

If you don't believe,
I don't mind - should I be?
Hurt?
or concerned?
I don't see why. Do

You?

You are quite free to find
any meaning you wish
every word that you hear
what it's worth - take it for

what you want. You will see
That I'm so mean, and fake

But I mean it all, bitch:

More than you'll ever take.

zoo exhibit

my love for you is a beast that has been
caged but not tamed
and not a sleek and pretty one

it looks out from behind hard bars
and eats you up with greedy eyes
and you are all it ever wants

it isn't feeding time now love
go sleep in straw for now, let lie
your keeper knows you're not a pet

tomorrow is another day
it's almost here
what you will get

what will be next?
another day of letting lie? or time
for something fresh and new
to die

strike anywhere

these conversations never start
from my end. I lay flat, relaxed
I never want to chafe, intrude
I do love to combust, react, but -
I am cool with silence, too.

If your cool fingers hold the match
and if you draw it down this line
(a small investment on your part)

your pressure, friction, heat combine -
this dull and flinty strip will spark
like skies of stars,

shot hot and sprayed,

to coax your sulphur tip to flame

and conversation - where there's smoke,

by such dark arts
are fires made.

overawes

my cradle spun
like a tree without leaves
whose clouds had all set
eternally
in the mind of a girl
whose eyes, cast down
into fortunes of fate
rule this shit town.

used to have a thing

I used to have a thing
for blondes with great big tits
and then I had a thing
for dye-job feminists
and after that my tastes ran
all the way to pasty goths
and then my tastes ran screaming back
to hard-core christians, plighting troths

At some point I got heavy into atheistic jews
'til smartassed girls with big behinds
became my favorite muse
And then I had a thing for you.

But I don't think it's going to work out, though.

You're not my type.

lullaby, rising

all we happy travelers
are flying home from holidays
weary and relieved, we queue
(that's British. It means "wait in line")
heading home a hundred ways
our journeys over
zones of time
that wash beneath our drifting planes
the sky spreads pillows
sheets, and all
so weary, grateful,
in we climb. And up we climb,
'til down we fall

resolution

the rambling
is the mechanism
to get to understanding
myself. To an outsider,
it may seem like magic -
some amazing trick! This fool
lays out in plodding style, brick
by brick, some yellow-brick road
as he walks, it winds, until he gets to
well, where it was pretty obvious he
was headed, the whole time. To me,
though - I need to figure out
where this next brick
goes.

the wall

the wall in my mind
is one brick wide
but it stretches to the heavens
on such firm ground
that I know: I will never get through,
or around -
even with you
on the other side.

I've been waiting forever to make this wish

I've been waiting forever to make this wish
the timing
has never been right for you
or for me,
for the wish to work
even if it came true.
Even if it came true,
it still needs timing, and time,
and place, and two people placed
to run with it, all the way
I've been waiting forever
to make this wish.

Fuck this. I am making my wish

Today.

misery loves

my misery amuses me
and I will take your company
in confidence

just promise this:
tell not one soul
how fun this is

my misery amuses me
and I will take your pity
as a compliment

the best I'll get

all day,

I'm going to cherish it

your support

I want all your support
from all that you say
from your tongue,
from your lips,
and support from your glance
and your hands
and your hips
in this choice,
in this chance,
I want all your support
all the way,
in this.

or there isn't much sense
in how much I can give

already gone

You don't need to say that you're gone.
I can see that. And anyway,
I couldn't hear you by now

you must be at least sixty miles an hour
and speed gently rising, away from me

how artificially clear
the sight of you comes
to me as you slap the wheel
- I can't hear

you're on mute, but I'm sure
you are singing along
and although I can't hear you,

I know the song

talent show

this talent show's spun out of control
into a popularity contest, which
was perfectly to be expected,
I guess. For things like this,
it's not always best to expect the best
will prevail at last, on merit alone

it's a talent of sorts, a gift in itself
to prevail like this

so let's take our bows, your awards,

and go home

burgeon

My love for you is burgeoning
it burgeons and it swells
I had to look up "burgeoning"
it's just as well.
It's just as well, because I knew
I used it right! Just as I use
my love for you. No need
to look it up. I use it right
each time.

I always do.

by my adoring eyes

the colors you are
are so lovely
your flesh
better than sunsets
the pinks and the rose, and whites
and purple shadows
glow, so soft like clouds,
in focus
and yet - how
smooth, and firm,
and warm - my fingers know
this,

without even having to touch! They
have been informed

confound

you're my crowbar
you protect me
wow
most crowbars don't do that

you're my spotlight
you lift me up
strange behavior
for a spotlight

you're my window
I see out of you
that's about right
for a window, yes

well, what
do you even know what you are?
I can only guess

accomplice

you can still change your mind, any time
every time - you can go back on what
you decided at whim. Feel free,
make the rules

You are not fooling me
- it's okay if you are!
Every moment I'm fooled

feels so good to be in

Point.

the nub of what I meant was thus:
to seize the problem by the crux,
to turn it 'til you see the gist,
then give the tip a vicious twist

same dream

sleep darling, lullabies
take two tablets of dreams,
and let them dissolve in your mouth
sublingually
they will enter your bloodstream, and rise
behind your eyes

by the time your head hits
the soft pillow, everything
you wish to see
will be backlit
by the moon

I'll be there to join you soon,

a million little candles
light the way to our room

star-counting

for a ghost of moment,
I counted my sneezes as blessings
expecting
wishes to fall like stars, in the yard

expecting god blessings to land in the wet grass
for us to run out in the night and gather
quickly, before they go out

forever

a cigarette twice

I've never smoked a cigarette twice, before

I was caught up in love, that talk with you

I looked down in my hand, it was whole again

by miracle, made unburned, impure

and ready to poison afresh, like new

not going to

this time,
I am not going
to be able to make it

"it's okay"
"it's going to be okay"
is what I always say, but now

there are things
massed and massing
on horizons all around

and things that build
and build and build, up inside
to tear down

and between them there is only me: and
all I used to think, believe,

and hold to,
every time of need.

and this time, it
won't work

I see

measured pace

I gave up every step on the way
and kept going

and I'm almost to you. And
I almost no longer believe

I am sure as the last step
falls, as I stand at your door

my hand will rise to knock,
and falter just before

bad brilliant

A lot of bad ideas work out brilliantly,
you know

you and me
could be the best idea of all
which is to say, the worst
but which

is out of my control.
Is it out of yours as well?

just between us,
I think it's a go