abiding rule

I admit to being stronger on parentheses
than quotation marks. I mean, I never have
much doubt on quotation marks, but it’s all

instinct at this point. This particular case
must've been some teacher or professor
who disliked the thing on arbitrary personal
principle, and

as time went on,
that opinion crept over the mental fence.
Mutated into a rule.

This is why I abhor rules,
and abolish all obedience I cannot abide
by never making habits of it or them,
since - why would I?
They don't coincidentally meet
some inner need that pleases me.

Which is what rules and obedience 
are for, correct? 

This particular case
was never a rule I respected.
One of those I’d observe in passing,
nowhere else - and then, only because

I'd already done it! By the time I remembered 

I'd decided to disobey the damn thing,
whoops. Principles
run the same gamut
or is it gauntlet: they 
never pop up during moral
dilemmas, which don't occur.
So I never have chances to seize

my ancient and brilliant array 
of principles, compiled and admired 
in starry-eyed ideal-eating youth, someone
would say one of their principles. My eyes 
would shine, and I'd beam at them "Yes, 

that sure could take the kinks out 
come hard decision time!" I could 
totally see how it could! It was a 
lie! A false confidence job on me 
by me! There I was, patient collector
and admirer, racking them up idly
and sorting them in order and reorder,
until years, decades later I looked in 
on them and saw they were dusted thickly 
with unuse. And I started and I stalled.
And I started again, wracked and riddled 
my brain, but I couldn't recall

one single instance

where even one had intervened, 
nick-of-time, as they're supposed to.
It's what they're for! 

Apparently (best I could work out at the 
time) I am too thick in the moment, 
immersed in all factors and concentrating 
way too hard for the idle thought to rise, "Hey,

maybe some shit that has nothing to do with 
this moment could be just the trick?"

I bet if I ever did do that, what I'd get 

would be some bullshit 
"grammar" or "manners" rule 

some professor had foisted off on me!
Which knowing me, I'd be just perverse
enough to deploy, but
it wouldn't exactly fix

anything

It's why I refuse to obey. 
Only observe. Or in my best 
moments 
abide.