Lucasflim

Lucasflim
used to offer an official
death star certificate
(suitable for framing)
(frame extra) certifying that
your house (address specified,
so the certification itself wasn't
portable):

- met all the criteria, and
was an official death star

- had been added to the death
star registry

- was not a moon, it was
a space station, and

- the more you tightened
your grip, the more systems
would slip through your fingers

I was psyched
to hang that baby up on the wall,
but disappointed later to reflect
that there were no actual criteria
specified, so the impression created
was that seemingly they would send one
to anybody with an address
who shelled out $199.99
plus $400 for that cheap-looking
frame (looked much better in the
ad, I ended up making my own) but
most of all, because in ornate gilt
letters at the top, they had misspelled
it LUCASFLIM.

An easy mistake to make,
but it made me think of
flim-flam. As if I had been ripped off. Plus
they shouldn't put the address on there.

I have gotten sick
of this place since, and
would have liked to move.