buyer beware

To save up to 25% off everything
fuck off and get out! Your money
's no good here, scumbag! If I ever
see you in this store again, I'll
call the cops! And report
myself for attempted murder, and if
you're still there when I hang up,
I'll have to call them back
and tell 'em: upgrade the charge!

I don't know why you thought
it was so 'essential' for you
to come barging in here, fouling
the air with your air of superiority,
"just browsing" as you call it -
nattering questions at me all the time
over this or that curious article
you have no more than an idle
interest in! Your arms

should have been loaded with wares
in your first beeline trip
down the aisle in line with the door!
Drop 'em off at the dressing room
and back for more! Our goods aren't
good enough for you, are they? Our fine
wares not fetching enough to festoon
your ignorant form? Tasteless! Tacky!
The worth of your judgment is displayed
in how badly your haircut frames your
face, its dye job a lurid parody
of your eyes' more wan and insipid
hues.

Get the fuck out of here

You don't want to buy. I know
you. I knew it from the moment you
walked in, all stupid and ugly. Types

like you

make me sick and mad. That's
what's done it. You're lucky
I'm drunk at the moment, or
I'd have acted with far more
alacrity in the matter