beloved boss

beloved boss

(the original and unself-ishly
-centerdly -censoredly chart-
topping greatest bits,
hits and mash notes mix tape

taken apart and edited from
context by the light of
the silvery dulcet tones
of a rare and valuable analog voice
male toxicity precursor AKA
answering
machine,

way)

back.

Second thing
in the day,

no ring, just


BLEEEEEEEEEEEP

"Go FUCK
yourself on your OWN TIME,
douche-bomb! I so help me
promise you if you don't
tear your hairy, malingering

ass-first bouncing butt out of bed
slap yesterday's pretty, still clean CLOTHES
on your back (

not neglecting to cover your ASS

) faster than half an hour before I can
count up all the mistakes you should have made

today, already! Well we can just FORGET about

the FIRST one, if you do, which I just about grit
BLOOD
from my pearly whites, just now listening to the apologetic

TURD you were on my VOICE MAIL! From the conference
room. Speakerphone. Ten minutes late, based on
the timetable you invited us to meet on, led
(misled) ostensibly enough by YOU. The whole team
thought it was a gas (your new nickname is "Both
-Ends" by the way, come in

and get a jump on getting used to it!!) If you do. IF YOU DON'T,

buddy you can just PLMUB THE DEPTHS of whatever your wretched FACE
is retching up (with high, no doubt, fidelity sound effects), and you just plum
forget

about coming in tomorrow, either, not without the sorry-not
-my-policy human racehourses driven mandatory two-days-or-plus
-consecutive-absentee doctor's note. Are you hearing me, loud? Are we CLEAR?

Is this a JOKE?

Yes, of course
its, we all
love you, Joe. You're the one

the team always looks up to, and this

inexplicable disease of yours, all of the chronic
is getting way past bad example, but

and it's a pretty big, but.

Rest up. If it's really that bad. Stay in.
If you don't, get your ass in here now, then and
the mistakes you make (trust me) in your undiagnosed
(so-called) feverish delirium, will have your back

in an indentured servant collar, slaving over them
in the coming deadline - a week out, by the way

thanks to you yesterday. They ought to make

great practice for you later, for proofs and catches
unused as you are to finding anything to fix

in one's own perfect work you self-driving punctilious
perfectionist. Not your strong suit, prrofing, I know, but with a
quite LOUD
POWER TIE, and the peculiar cocked knot we can't all figure out

how you do

precisely, exact the same, exacting, standard just-so fucked up way
every time! What?

Is it some kind bespoke clip-on? I dunno, anyway dude

if I see ya I'ma catch ya, if not,

back atcha on the flipside we're all

waiting for you, to come back

so, you know. We can all pitch in
and help you catch up, if

- and by the way, please DO train someone, or some
two, or at the very least three, how-to? Don't get
you're back up, you need a backup - don't fucking

slip into defensive hypocrisy, here

You've been begging me to assign some
assistants for years, well, the board

saw fit when they heard about

What's been going on, with you? Don't hoard

the know-how, you selfish little PUNK ASS hapless

GURU, YOU.

Sharing is good. We're re-gearing the team a bit,

to be fair. We all love you, I

know, hell,

I said that already, some things

that never need to be said bear repeating, I.

...

Love ya, man.

You're my fuck-hot platonic mancrush shit-you not hero, okay? Don't
mistake me for some arch, overbearing nemesis. You know that. We're

in trouble, buddy. Come back and
save us some, huh? Not now, if

you can't. But as soon as you can.

Ok.

Toodle-loo, fuckface"