invented ailments

I woke up with a stomach 
and lord knows what else 
my arm felt like it had been 
caught in a shoulder machine 
because my pillow was out
-of-joint or maybe it was 
a dream I had. Anyway, 
I was feeling almost 
entirely fantastic, 
fabulous, like a fable 
with aches and pains 
instead of animals 
and I rushed to the room 
and caught them all 

in apt names. 
Tamed by this rough 
treatment, I picked up 
my spine by the hips, 
gave myself a huge, crippling 
twist and the whole thing 
reeled back to a state 
of precision maintenance 

which 
to be honest 
I never could do a thing with, 
honestly.