beloveds bite

I kind of wish more things died 
when they bit you. Or stung you, 
but - it's kind of the suckers that 
bug me more than the suicidal 
honey-loving hive-minded self
-defense artists. 

Not people, either. I don't wish 
people would die when they bit 
you. That would be weird. It 

would be even weirder if they
knew that would happen. I'd
feel so bad, too! What did I do

to deserve your hatred or wrath
so hard that you're dying to
bite me!? PLEASE DON'T!

I get no ego goose from meaning 
so bad much to people that they'd 
do

that. 

I'd feel I'd have to go to the funeral. 
Awkward. 

What if they ask me to do the eulogy!
I'd have to get up there, wreathed in 
dark garlands, a fat votive candle 
gripped in each big hand and say 

"Hey, I didn't even know the guy! 
He bit me!" Mournful pause. "I think 
I can speak for a lot of us here today 
when I say Gwendopher touched us 
all in some way. Is that really his 
fucking name? It's he, right? He 
bit like a she, but we'd already 
clarified pronouns, so, when I 
look out at a crowd of mourners 
like this" - meaningful look -

"I feel safe saying Gwendo touched 
us all. But he only bit me!" 

Then, all choked up as if to one-up 
all these lesser-touched beloveds and
bereaveds of the dear or oh, dear departed, 
like getting bit is what makes us special
to each other, I'd step down and in grave
and stentorian stride, march right out
of the whole, somber room. Out

to the grave, 

and start digging.
I barely knew the guy, 

but this looks not deep enough
to me. How cringe-wince worthy
would that
be

Imagine

What is wrong with people? Why do they 
ask the guy who knew the dead guy latest
and least to speak? Hoping to hit the first
-impressions jackpot from a dewy-eyed
naïve wonderdolt who everybody says
sees too much good in people? Sorry! 

My first impression was pretty much teeth. 

Don't want to hear my bold, unsauced,
unvarnished take on people? Ask
someone else to do the eulogies! 

Or if you ask me and hate how
I get a bad job done right, well
and to-the-point? 

Bite me.