the criticart diagnostic practitioner is in.

I run one loose museum, people.
I just assign art forms to people.
"Step back. You make the call."
Chiaroscuro it down in oilcolor 
or suddenly mobile sculpture. 
It fits it clicks it sticks it scores!
Sometimes I'm like Picasso upside
your face for a close inspection.
"There's...
something  wrong there with
one of your eyes. And take
everybody's clothes off
please. This is about
as serious as art gets,
you know. It's a phase."

Or I'd be like Marcel Duchump:.
"You...are a urinal actually.
Sometimes a work of art's
best left uncalled"