How many hours after?

So. An hour after eating, right? 
No matter what you ate, except 

poisoned? How many hours 
after drinking, then? You know 
what I mean, oh no "depends how
many drinks...?" Come on, 

just stop and start counting. That's 
a fairer way, surely. How many hours 
after throwing up? How many hours 
after respirating fluids 'til you can't 
get up?

How many hours after dying? 

I say, there should be one rule 
for this stuff. Not ten or depends.
Keep trying, I guess. Keep seeking 
and find that rule. What works. 

For everything, then 
go jump a lake, stick the dock 
and run tell the earth. 

Kiss the land dry, first 
maybe

And count at least two pigs 
skying around, and if 

it happens in hell, take 
thermometers, please. 

It's empirical results we 
want for this jeez.