Snippets from the Diary of a Rogue Ad Man

When life gets you

down?

GO GATORADE. Gatorade
is like the tits on a nuclear squid.
You start sucking on that glowing
ambrosial nectar, suddenly it turns

your whole DNA crazy
like you're breathing underwater,
staining your bike shorts with black ink
and fighting crime. One time,

I got thrown out of a top advertising firm
for the boldest pitch I ever had the balls
to put over the plate. It went wild, but boy

did I turn a few heads on the way out
the door as I was escorted by an honor guard
of security's best and brightest! When I hit

the street,

I had a Snickers
to recoup my wits
and stoke the flames a bit. Packed with peanuts,
Snickers Is A Motherfucker®. Thus fortified

by that sweet hit of chocolate, caramel
and a peanut crunch, I eased on down the road
with a heart as heavy as all the skies above.
It's true,

I had suffered a setback.

But I didn't actually work for the firm
anyway, and technically
they hadn't even invited me inside.
So I counted it pretty light in the loss column

- while each of the heads that I'd turned
with my bold presentation was an undeniable win.

I was sure to have better luck at the next firm. My next stop

would not even know what hit it.