Critic without a Movie

"Looked at as an artistic success,
it is a disappointment. As a mass-market
pop psychological thrill-ride, though,
it smells like a shrink-wrapped plastic
fruit gift basket sprayed with canned
holiday spice potpourri. The characters
were believable, but you didn't.
The situations were vivid like
an unpleasant dream you laugh at later,
then can't remember. The special effects
were limited to fake dramatic rain and sudden,
interminably jiggling frantic nudity.
The foley work was excellent."